I’m a big fan of Jon Richardson. He currently does a show on Absolute Radio, and there’s a podcast of the talky bits of the show, which is on my fairly small podcast list. One of his regular features is the ‘Literal Police’. Listeners are the eyes and ears on the beat, and they send in suggestions for public figures broadcasting incorrect usage of the word literally. As a wordy geek, this pleases me greatly.
Obviously, incorrect use of the word literally is not the crime of the century. It’s just one of life’s little irritants. If someone says, for example, “I literally died laughing” (no, you didn’t, or you wouldn’t be here to tell us about it) or “I literally exploded with rage” (the cleanup would have been horrendous), they may be targeted for incarceration. I’m all for calling out these grammatical crimes and have my own to add.
A little list of linguistic offences
Breaking – NOT everything is breaking news. If it’s a scheduled announcement, it’s not breaking. If it happened yesterday, it’s not breaking. Breaking suggests urgency and immediacy, not just “here’s something we’re telling you now.” And it most definitely does not apply to anything unverified, ie something that the woman on Facebook said.
Leverage – When did this stop being a noun and become the go-to verb for every business meeting? “We need to leverage our assets.” No, you need to use them. Leverage is what you apply to a crowbar, not a marketing strategy.
Deploy – Unless you’re in the military or releasing software, can we please stop deploying things? You’re not deploying a new coffee machine in the kitchen. You’re installing it.
Obviously – Oh my, this is on the increase. You’re talking to someone for the first time about something you know nothing about, and they drop in ‘obviously’ all the time. There is nothing obvious about it. Why? Just why? It’s condescending and assumes knowledge the listener clearly doesn’t have. It gets my goat, and I call it out every time.
Frictionless – What the? Everything has friction. Life has friction. Processes have friction. Claiming something is frictionless doesn’t make it so; it just makes you sound like you’re selling snake oil.
Baked in – Is it a cake? No? Then why are we baking things in? Features are included, integrated, or built-in. They are not baked in unless you’re making a Victoria sponge with a surprise centre.
Onboarding – We used to train people. We showed them the ropes. We got them up to speed. Now we’re onboarding them like they’re cargo being loaded onto a ship or Cruise Director Julie welcoming them onto The Love Boat (yes, I have said this before.)
360 – Do you mean a 360-degree view? A complete picture? Or are you confused with doing a 180 (turning around completely)? Because if you do a 360, you end up exactly where you started, which is rarely the goal.
Honourable mentions
Reach out – Just say contact, email, or call. You’re not The Four Tops (as I have now said for many, many years).
Circle back – ? See 360 above.
Touch base – Are we playing rounders? No? Then let’s just say “catch up” or “discuss.”
Impactful – Impact as a verb is already questionable, but impactful takes it to a whole new level of linguistic laziness.
Curate – Unless you’re running a museum or art gallery, you’re not curating anything. You’re selecting, choosing, or arranging. Your sandwich selection is not curated.
Over to you
What words and phrases get on your wick? I’d love to hear your linguistic pet peeves. Drop me a comment or send me your suggestions. Some people dislike the grammar police, but the world needs more of us standing up for proper word usage.
………….